Piss off Duo!!
by Red Rose Angel
Summary: Duo is feeling rather mischevious today and so he pays the other gundam pilots, Relena and Hilde a visit. One by one he pisses each of them off in a big way... Hope you have a good laugh, apart for the ending it's for Duo lovers.


It's my first "proper" humour fan fiction so I hope you will like it

It's my first "proper" humour fan fiction so I hope you will like it. I am not a fantastic comedian, so I am sorry if you don't like it or if I accidentally offend anyone, since this does contain rather a lot of swearing! Dreadfully sorry if I do. Hope you enjoy it! :)

_WARINING: This fanfiction contains a LOT of swearing, slight yaoi and sexual implications_. 

****

**Disclaimer: I DON'T own Gundam Wing.**

********************************************************************************************

Duo Maxwell was bored as he lay on his couch with his head propped up and flicking aimlessly through the channels of the TV.

"Boring, Boring, Boring. Why isn't there any good TV," he shouted. He opened a can of beer and gulped, it then threw it causally over his head. "DAMN IT!! I am fucking bored. I feel active and energetic-" he flicked through the channels again.

"Practical Joke of the day..."screamed the TV. Duo raised an eyebrow. "Go up to your best friend-" Duo drinking yet another can of beer listened with remote interest, "-tell him "Happy Birthday" and splat a Birthday cake IN HIS FACE! HA HA HA!!"

Duo almost choked and spat out all the beer in his mouth. "That was FUCKING LAME!!" He shouted; he then looked around at his beer covered wall and his soggy trousers. "Oh shit! Now I look as if I've wet myself, and my wall is going to be stained yellow. Oh great!"

"Hope you enjoy joking around. Bye Bye now!" said the TV. Duo again raised an eyebrow, then his expression turned into a mischievous grin. "Oh I AM the great destroyer!"

Duo walked into his bedroom and looked at the mirror. His plait was loose from lying on a couch; he looked as if someone has dragged him through the rain backwards. He undid his plait and looked at himself. "Oh fuck! I look like a bloody woman!!" Then he grinned and posed, "and a good looking on too! I could fall for a girl like me!!"

He replaited his hair and opened his drawer to reveal his collection of sunglasses. "Now what will it be today?" He picked up a dark black pair and put it on. "Not very mischievous, but looking good." He posed again in front of the mirror and winked at himself, "Duo, you are one good looking guy."

He was soon out onto the streets, "Now then," he thought, "who will it be first. He walked past a large TV screen and it was advertising martial arts. Duo knew where he was going first.

Wufei was working on his Gundam. He wants to make sure everything was in order. Just in case anything happened. He picked up a screwdriver and began to unscrew one of the control pads.

"YO WU-MAN!" yelled Duo at the top of his voice right next to Wufei's ear and slapped him hard on the back. Wufei almost had a heart attack and fell head first into the cockpit as Duo slapped him.

"HA HA!" laughed Duo.

"MAXWELL!!! What the fuck did you do that for?" shouted Wufei annoyed that he had lost his dignity. 

"I came to see you Wu-man!" yelled Duo.

"YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHOUT!" Wufei yelled back, "And don't call me that gay name!"

"OK," shouted Duo.

Wufei raised a fist to punch Duo, but missed and lost balance and fell out of the cockpit.

"HA HA!" screamed Duo holding his sides with laughter.

"Poor widdle Wufei can't punch people," mocked Duo. Wufei picked up a screw- driver and threw it at Duo missing him by an inch. Duo leant back in surprise. "Ok, Ok, Ok, Ok Wu-man, let's not try and kill people, heh?"

"_Fuck off_, Duo" hissed Wufei.

"Fucking, Fucking," laughed Duo and walked out. "I can't believe I can piss someone off so much. That was so much fun. I'm not the God of Death for nothing! Now my next target." 

Trowa and Quatre were playing a quiet game of chess.

"Check, little one," said Trowa.

"Not yet you don't," said Quatre and blocked the piece and forking the king and the queen at the same time. "Check Trowa."

Trowa smiled, "good move."

"YO, GUYS!" yelled Duo and slapped both of them hard on the back sending both their faces smacking into the chess set and sending pieces flying everywhere.

Having jumped out of his skin and then had his face smacked into the chessboard, Trowa quickly recovered and rubbed his face. "Are you alright Quatre?"

"How's mommy and baby today?" teased Duo. Trowa and Quatre both turned a lovely shade of red.

"Who let you in Duo and what are you doing here?" said Trowa as calmly as he could.

"Oh did I spoil a quiet afternoon together," said Duo causally. "I am dreadfully sorry, I spoilt a romantic game of chess. Check little one," he mocked.

"Duo, shut up, said " Trowa. Quatre who was now blushing said, "Well, it's...em...nice of you to drop by. Why don't you go and make yourself a cup of tea?"

"Nah. I came to see you not to have a cuppa," said Duo.

"Ok," said Trowa, "then shut it." He began to set up the chessboard again. "Looks like we'll have to start again Quatre."

"I'll go and shut the curtains and light a candle. It's much more romantic - oh did I say that?! I meant it's much nicer playing by candlelight," said Duo and began to walk over to the curtains.

"Duo, will you just shut up! And no we prefer playing by sunlight thank you!" said Trowa now beginning to lose his patience.

"So what have you been up to today?" asked Quatre awkwardly.

"Not having as much fun as you two, I don't think," grinned Duo. "I went to see Wufei."

"I feel sorry for Wufei!" muttered Trowa, making his move.

"No, I think he had some fun," said Duo looking over the game.

Presently Duo flicked with his finger the two kings who were close together and they so conveniently fell over and landed side by side.

"Oh dear," said Duo, " I am so dreadfully sorry. I wonder if that has any significance?" looking down at the two kings lying side by side.

Trowa and Quatre both turned a light shade of red.

"Duo please can you please bugger off now," said Trowa now really beginning to lose it.

"Yes Duo, it's nice seeing you, but we really want to play in peace. Please can you leave us alone," said Quatre politely.

"Yes, alright. I know when I am not wanted. I'll leave you two...alone," grinned Duo.

He walked out chuckling to himself, "Next stop..."

Heero was brooding over the laptop as usual trying to find out more about the Zero system used by the White Fang and Dorothy. Being Heero, he heard quiet footsteps and mechanically picked up his gun.

"HI-YA HEERO. HOW ARE YOU THEN?" yelled Duo at the top of his voice. Heero thought for a moment he would go deaf, being in a room where sound echo nicely. Duo saw Heero move and knew he's been found out. He decided to go for another method of bugging Heero off. 

"ARE YOU ALRIGHT THEN?" he yelled and madly ruffled Heero's dark hair. Heero tried to remain calm although in the laptop screen he could see Duo turning his hair into a fluffy bush and making him look as if he was having a REALLY bad hair day. 

"Duo, can you push off, you are mucking up my hair," said Heero. Duo stopped and grinned at his artwork. Heero's hair really needed a good brush right now, then Duo grinned "Heero is that a comb in your pocket or are you happy to see me?"

Heero turned around on his chair, "DUO, I DON'T HAVE ANY BLOODY POCKETS?"

Duo laughed. "That was not funny Maxwell" hissed Heero, "If you don't want anything can you go and FUCK OFF!!" 

"Every one is telling me to do that," remarked Duo, then he looked slyly at Heero, "are you offering?"

Heero grabbed a gun and pointed it at Duo. 

"Alright, alright, I got the message ok!" said Duo. He walked out the door and shut it. Then he opened it again and poked his head round the corner and said slyly, "sure you're not offering?" and then quickly shut the door, just in time to avoid Heero's bullet.

Duo was walking along the street, "Oh I am just having so much fun. I never knew I could be such a pain. I should do it more often! Now, I think I'll also pay the girls a visit." He grinned and walked causally along and looking around; as he did, he caught sight of two pretty girls, one brown hair and one blue. "Ah!" He smiled. He followed the girls to a less crowded part of New Port City. He went up to them and smacked the two girls on their backside, making the two of them shriek in dismay. Hilde turned and slapped Duo. 

"Duo Maxwell, what the heck do you think you are doing?" said Hilde. 

Relena raised an eyebrow, "You are lucky that I don't like using violence, but that doesn't mean you can take advantage of me!"

Duo grinned and put an arm round each of the girls' necks as they walked. The girls immediately stopped, they turned, to face him. "Maxwell do you mind?" they said in unison.

"Nope," grinned Duo, " in fact I feel quite honoured to have two pretty girls." Relena and Hilde shook him off, "Well WE DO!" they said impatiently.

"Oh come on, give this handsome guy here a break," said Duo, "I have been told to push off from one place to the next by my so called friends." He smirked. 

"I am not surprised," said Relena, "did you eat something strange for breakfast?"

"No," said Duo.

"Well you are being annoying Duo, so can you leave us alone?" said Hilde.

"Hey, Hilde, Hilde, what's wrong with you? You are normally willing to have me hang around," said Duo.

"Well normally you are not pissing us off!" said Hilde.

"Every one is telling me to go and fuck off today," said Duo, then he smiled, "any of you girls offering? Both will be great, but I don't mind."

Relena and Hilde couldn't believe what they just heard; "who do you think I am?" gasped Relena, "a prostitute! If you think I am going to let you take advantage of me you have another thought coming!"

"Yeah Duo, I'll offer," said Hilde angrily; Duo brightened up, "really?" he said.

"Yeah," said Hilde, "I'll offer you a piece of my mind!!"

"The girls exchanged glances, then Hilde grabbed Duo long plait and tugged hard backwards dragging Duo along stumbling backwards, "Hey, hey, what-cha doing? Ow, that hurt! I thought you are suppose to be pacifist!"

Relena grinned, "I am, so I am not dragging, but Hilde doesn't have to be."

Hilde dragged Duo to the nearest sign- post and Relena tied Duo's plait to it in a knot.

"There," said Relena stepping back.

"Now Duo can stay here until he learns to be a good boy!" mocked Hilde.

"That should teach you to try and take advantage of us!" laughed Relena, "come on Hilde, let's go!"

"Hey, girls you ain't going to leave me here," shouted Duo at the leaving girls. "HEY!"

Duo slide onto the floor, sighed then smirked, "Oh the Great Destroyer will strike again. Oh he will. Just you wait, just you wait!"

***********************************************************************************************

Well what do you think? I say again, I am not really a humour writer; it's just that I was bored and so this idea came up. By the way, just in case you are wondering, Duo is one of my favourite characters, it's just that even now and then one has to have some fun with one's favourite characters. Duo is very cool, no doubt about it.

Hope you enjoyed it. Please review and tell me what you think.:) ^_^


End file.
